It’s not like those pictures you see in 10th grade health class!
I was diagnosed a year ago and this site helped me so much, i just wanted to return the favor with a success story…
i got h from my ex-boyfriend after being with him for 3 years. i thought maybe we should break up because of other issues (marriage/kids), but i was so nervous of being single with h. anyway, one day i got the nerve and split up with him, and 3 months later i found myself in a position to sleep with someone i had a big crush on. we hung out (and made out and pawed at each other) for about 10 days before i decided the talk was imminent.
I practiced the talk in my head; i wanted to be direct, confident, and positive. i texted him that i wanted to talk in-person about something and invited him over to my apartment on a sunday afternoon. (i didn’t say what it was, nor did i indicate it was something “bad,” because if i were him, i’d get all riled up.) he came over and we chatted for a while about random things and then i said “listen, i wanted to talk to you about something. once upon a time, in a land far, far away, my ex-boyfriend gave me herpes.”
this guy is negative, but he reacted so calmly, he said “just so you know, i’m not freaking out!” i explained the ways to prevent transmission and told him that even in my last relationship, during most of which we weren’t using condoms or pills (my ex lied to me about taking the pills), it still took 3 years for me to get it. i also mentioned that anyone who has h will confirm that the stigma is far worse than the actual thing. it’s not like those pictures you see in 10th grade health class!
anyway, we moved on and started watching a movie, and clearly the talk didn’t prevent him from putting the moves on me, and the moves were smokin’ hot. we didn’t sleep together that day, i wanted to give us some breathing room, but a few days later we had sex and it was phenomenal! shattering climax, for real. we’ve been hooking up regularly for over a month now and there’s no pressure to make it serious.
so, here’s the moral of the story: not only can you handle being single with h, you can feel confident and sexy, you can meet someone just like you always did (i met this guy through work), and perhaps you won’t just survive the experience by the skin of your teeth, you could find some luscious, primal, totally obscene, scream-his-name-out kind of sex. you get the idea.
good luck everyone and thanks to all who contribute here. it really got me through my break-up.
Comment originally published on the Honeycomb Herpes Support forums.
- 1.He liked me enough that he wants to get to know me and not to base me off of one thing like herpes
- 2.The talk was easy as pie. I wasn’t even nervous. I just came right out and said it.
- 3.There is always hope. Life could be worse folks.
- 4.Herpes simplex is just a virus, not unlike the flu or chickenpox. And your life can go on just fine.
- 5.My boyfriend treats me no differently, the friends I told support me, I feel good!
- 6.Had you ever had mono, chickenpox or a cold sore? If so, you already had herpes.
- 7.I have had HSV for thirty years. It has been such an insignificant part of my life.
- 8.LIVE YOUR LIFE! Don’t give this virus any more thought then you have to
- 9.I’m new here but i read about ppl being so worried about it and i just wanted to say it’s not so bad
- 10.Read the acceptance stories n never thought it was real……….
- 11.I wanted to share some of my happiness with you all b/c I am living proof that happiness can happen to us all
- 12.If the person really cares about you, they’re going to accept you the way you are without judging you for your stupid skin virus.
- 13.I like to mention that 20-25% of the population has it as well, so they may have already been with someone who has herpes.
- 14.Life isn’t over just because you have herpes. You will find someone to accept you – and it will be wonderful.
- 15.She told me that she wants to be mine forever and she doesn’t care if she gets it or not
- 16.I should have told him so much sooner. It really is true that if the person loves you they won’t care.
- 17.They will be happy you told them and will still like you because they realize how little it means about you as a person
- 18.The person will accept you and all your issues that come with the package
- 19.While you can find someone who does not have hsv, they will have some other imperfection that is something you have to overlook or learn to accept… it’s just a matter of picking your poison!
- 20.He says he loves me and there are worse things that could happen
- 21.You expect to be rejected and instead you hear, it’s no big deal… it is great!
- 22.He doesn’t care if he gets it because he just wants to be with me for the rest of his life
- 23.My boyfriend told me he had herpes. I looked him in the eye’s and told him, “I don’t care”.
- 24.I hope at least one person can read this a get a little piece of mind. I know it’s hard to picture yourself being happy with herpes, but it is possible!
- 25.We have been married for 2 1/2 years now and she has not been infected
- 26.I promise, life DOES go on as normal after herpes-including your sex life.
- 27.The important thing to remember is that they are mature enough to make their own decisions. Just make sure you educate them.
- 28.He asked a couple of questions about the outbreaks and how long I had dealt with it. Then he said, “We’ll deal with it together.”
- 29.Don’t be shy, give him all the facts, and if they’re worth it, they’ll stay
- 30.I have been with my current partner for 14 years and we do not use condoms at all. My partner has still not caught it.
- 31.It’s seriously no worse than the common cold. Maybe even less of a problem than that. Something that used to feel so scary to have has dissolved into nothing more than a minor inconvenience.
- 32.I felt like a mutant before….and now I couldn’t be happier. Surprisingly people are pretty understanding!
- 33.No one thinks cold sores are bad things and chances are they have had one. Then I say I get cold sores but not on my face.
- 34.A huge part of the success of the whole ordeal was that
- 35.This is proof that just because you have herpes does NOT mean people are going to run for the hills when they find out
- 36.If they truly care about you, it won’t matter. There are ways around it and I promise you… you ARE LOVED.
- 37.So you will find love and if you don’t find love then find me because i will love you!
- 38.It’s a virus, it doesn’t mean anything about your morals. And chances are good that they too have it, even if they don’t know.
- 39.I have herpes and am now engaged and pregnant with our second child
- 40.I literally wouldn’t have believed how insignificant of an issue it has been if you told me a year ago. Woohoo!!!
- 41.The initial reaction to herpes is common, yet exceedingly inaccurate. It’s not a grounded belief. It’s pure emotion speaking, generated from the experience of shock—nothing more.
- 42.Anyone who has herpes will confirm that the stigma is far worse than the actual thing.
- 43.We are now married. He is still negative, and we don’t use condoms. True love prevails…. even over herpes.
- 44.He was completely fine with this and I think telling him may have brought us closer.
- 45.It is mostly effortless and simple. But have your facts together because they ask questions and you want to be confident and prepared to answer them. IT WORKED OUT GREAT!
- 46.HSV doesn’t make every relationship more long term or serious but it did for us and it worked out well.
- 47.The first thing he said was, “so?”
- 48.Herpes saved my relationship and made it better than it was before. I hope this helps one realize that it is really not that bad.
- 49.It’s pretty amazing there are kind people still out in the world who really look beyond a lot of things and right into who you are. They do exist.
- 50.Herpes does not define who u are, it’s just one thing you have. There are worse traits people have than Herpes…
- 51.Yes, it is possible to have a long term relationship without passing this onto your partner.
- 52.He told me he was in this for forever so if he got it too, well we’d just have it together. We have had a 9 month old and everything was fine.
- 53.I’ve had 4 boys, 2 after my primary ob, and have never felt that h has affected my life too much.
- 54.I find too that the more I let go of being so concerned about H all the time, i relax and am less stressed out and happier in general which probably helps have less OBs!
- 55.H has changed nothing in my relationship, our sex life is great
- 56.He knows that he may end up with it. He also knows that he may end up with it (or something worse) if he ever has sex with anyone in the world!
- 57.This virus is only as important as you make it. If you think of it as a minor annoyance then that’s all it will be.
- 58.This disease does not have to control your life! It does not have to take over your relationships, and you shouldn’t let it!
- 59.To those of you who were struggling like I was thinking there wasn’t any hope in finding love, there is hope
- 60.You will realize how insignificant this is and you can live a normal life, including amazing sex
- 61.He loves me for me and i couldn’t be happier
- 62.It is possible for someone to love you enough to look past HSV
- 63.We were together for 4 years and I never passed it to him
- 64.Found out that many guys won’t mind
- 65.I refuse to let HSV stop the many plans I have laid out before me
- 66.You know what? 4/5 have been totally cool with it…
- 67.Relationships & Dating with Herpes
- 68.Shameless Success Story – Happily in Love