When I was first diagnosed I was devastated, I thought I would never be able to have sex again, let alone have a fulfilling relationship and I didn’t want ANYONE to know.
My best friend has actually had herpes for a while and I didn’t even want to tell her for fear of her opening her big mouth. Before I got herpes I was pretty judgemental about it and I couldn’t believe that my friend was so open about it – I has heard other people sat mean things about her for it as well.
For a while I kept the news to myself, thinking that if I didn’t tell anyone, then there was no way anyone could find out, and i could pretend like everything was normal. Eventually, I had to tell my best friend, keeping the secret was driving me MENTAL. I felt a lot better after talking to her about it, but I was still scared she would tell someone, since she hadn’t been discrete about her own diagnosis.
A few months later she accidentally let it slip that she had told someone… needless to say I was fucking pissed- BUT I survived.
The more I have come to learn about genital herpes the more I realize how much of a shit I don’t give. I have been lucky in that my symptoms are extremely mild, so for me the main issue is how it affects my relationships with others.
As cheesy as it sounds, having herpes has been a good for me because it sets a requirement that anyone I sleep with has to be at the very least open minded and more than likely fairly committed to me if they want to take the “risk”.
The reality is that if I tell someone I have herpes and they learn about what it ACTUALLY is and they don’t want to be involved with me because of it, then I’m glad to know that they are a narrow minded douche earlier on in the relationship!
I’m also of the opinion that I don’t owe it to casual sex partners to put their needs ahead of my own… but that is a contentious issue…
To conclude, I just want to give some hope to people who are newly diagnosed – once you learn about the condition you will realize that it is not a big deal at all. Finding people you can talk to about it helps A LOT (LIKE, A LOT). I have told several guys, some don’t give a shit at all, some are a little trepidatious but not overly judgmental. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that most people (or guys anyways) aren’t as judgmental I can be sometimes.