Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to you should not be others’ opinions of you, but what your opinion is of yourself.
Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.
Here are some simple things to consider if you don’t want Herpes to get in the way of your dating life:
1. Think about yourself
Consider how you react to other people and your Herpes. If you’re confident and have surrounded yourself with all the emotional support you need, then you’ll be fine. All you need to make sure of is that you can handle people’s uneducated reactions. If you’re ready to date then you should be ready to face your Herpes. It isn’t exactly a life-threatening disease but it’s certainly something you have to deal with. Be ready for how you are going to talk about it when the relationship turns more serious. And how you are ready to face and deal with someone who may well, sadly, be ignorant about such issues.
If you’re honest with your new partner up front then that will save any hassle and feelings of not being able to trust each other in the future. The future is when it becomes more potentially damaging. Obviously, bringing it up before you’ve even had your first meal together might be a bit too hasty, but leaving it until after a few sexual encounters will be far too late! You must realize, that if you have Herpes type 2, or even an outbreak of Herpes type 1 on your mouth, that you can infect your partner also. There are ways and means to stop this happening. Being honest is the very first step.
3. Your dating life
Tackling communication issues about your Herpes all depends on how serious you and the other person are or how serious you think you are likely to become. If it’s the first date then clearly you’re not going to shout out that you have the Herpes virus, whether its type 1 or 2. That’s not the way to start as you’re opening yourself up to a reaction that might be different after getting to know one another. But on the other hand, you shouldn’t wait too long. What if you both have real and deep feelings for each other but you have yet to consummate the relationship? This may cause you both unnecessary heartache that could have been avoided a month ago. As soon as you get talking about the sexual aspects of your relationship, you need to be open about yourself and your herpes.
4. Reactions to the message
You might be wondering when and how exactly to convey the message. When the mood is right and before any sexual activity has taken place, is a good time to bring it up. In reality, your herpes should not get in the way of a loving relationship. If someone is actually worth the time they will not be put off by something that plagues you. You’re probably thinking that your case is worse than that of other people, but you’re wrong. Everyone feels that way about themselves. Once you tell the person, then you have to consider dealing with their ignorance. This is the worst case scenario: that they know nothing but myths about the virus. Unfortunately, the ignorant reaction is common; You must have been really slutty in the past huh? Your first reaction to their own uneducated response might be anger. But this won’t do anyone any favours.
If you really do like the person then swallow your disappointment and think instead about educating them. Everyone has gaps in their knowledge, even you! You should be thinking about how to tell them that you contracted Herpes type 1 as an unsuspecting baby in your crib, kissed by an adult who had the virus lying dormant within them, or that unfortunately someone wasn’t honest with you before a past sexual encounter, or whatever the story is as to how you contracted it. You didn’t ask for it, and really it’s not all that big of an issue. As long as you use protection at the time of an outbreak, there will be no problem in the sex department.
If this person fails to understand what you are saying to them and doesn’t recognize your honesty as a sign of good character then they are not worth your time and energy. Let them go and instead move on to a person who will understand you. You’ll know them when you see their end reaction.
I am in a relationship and we have been together for nearly a year now. It was all going so well untill yesterday.. My partner told me he has a rash. I have herpes and I had my first out break about 6 years ago and haven’t had one since ( not to my knolage) wich does sound abit odd I know. My partner doesn’t know. To be honest I had forgotten about it. I just don’t know how to tell him. I really hope he understands ?
I’m sorry you and your partner are in this situation right now. Being truthful is the best way to move forward. Your partner might be hurt and possibly angry to begin with, but this is what has happened and he will be able to have a chance to accept it and forgive you more easily if you are truthful with this information now. Once you are both discussing things honestly you can encourage your partner to get tested to confirm if his rash is actually herpes and what type. You might like to take a read over our Herpes simplex virus 101 article to remind yourself of the facts before you have the talk.