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He knows that he may end up with it. He also knows that he may end up with it (or something worse) if he ever has sex with anyone in the world!

He Knows That He May End Up With It. He Also Knows That He May End Up With It (or Something Worse) If He Ever Has Sex With Anyone In The World!

Okay, I feel silly. After reviewing this thread, I realize I’ve been telling people that I outlined our system for protecting my partner here–and I never did! Here it is: I don’t believe condoms protect you from herpes; I’ve read too many posts (‘way too many!) by people who got it while using one–males and females. My soulmate and I have never used condoms except for what they are intended: birth control. I also believe they often bring on ob’s due to increased friction during intercourse.

So what have we been doing for 12-13 years to protect him? First, we never ever ever ever have sex if I have any kind of symptoms, which include exhaustion, leg tingling, or an uncomfortable feeling down there–I have learned to pay lots of attention to my body. When I think we may have sex, I check myself visually or by rubbing my finger around lightly in my usual ob sites. Second, when we have sex, he washes his entire crotch with soap (actually, Neutrogena) and water, sudsing it up good, right after.

He doesn’t put pressure on me to have sex when I don’t feel like it, because then I might override my own intuition to try to please him. We watch our diet and encourage each other to get a good night’s sleep. When I do think I may be getting an ob, I tell him right away so that he doesn’t start planning sex–only to be disappointed. Instead he will plan massages or nights out or long walks or snuggles and talks.

He knows that he may end up with it. He also knows that he may end up with it (or something worse) if he ever has sex with anyone in the world. We’ve had great sex over the years, and we have a great shared life together.


Comment originally published on the Honeycomb Herpes Support forums.

This Post Has 2 Comments
  1. Just one question about this virus if a young male have herpes and want kids how does he go about doing this without his partner being infected with the virus???

    1. Hi Kevin,

      When you have an uninfected partner and you plan to have kids together the most important thing is to do everything you can to prevent transmission DURING the pregnancy.

      This is because herpes does not usually cause any problem for women who are already infected with herpes, but like all viruses it is risky if a woman catches HSV for the first time in her life while she is pregnant.

      Suppressive medication, antiviral supplements, good communication and a healthy lifestyle can all be helpful in lowering viral activity and the risk of transmission.

      If your partner already has HSV her baby will be protected by her antibodies while in her womb. If your partner happens to have a different type of HSV than what you have she will still have some immunity but not complete protection. In this case, you would still have to be mindful of spreading the new type of HSV to her while pregnant.

      You can read more about the basics here in our article Herpes simplex virus 101

      All the best!

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